The island doesn’t have anything on it much worth noticing, no trees, nor plants at all. It’s just a rock in the sea but Papa says it still must have a lighthouse because ships can hit an unvegetated island just as one with vegetation. I suppose that’s true but I don’t like it anymore for that. This is going to be very dull for me, I just know it.
I have found the lighthouse tower scares me, it didn’t bother me so much the first day when everything was new but now that I am used to it I don’t like it much. I can’t believe I actually climbed it that first day. Yesterday Mother sent me up to help Papa carry the lamp oil. The stairs go on forever and there are gaps between them, and no proper railing one can hold while carrying buckets of oil. When I reached the top Papa called me a brave girl but I never want to repeat the experience. Especially since it was dark and you can’t carry a light and the oil at the same time. You can’t imagine my terror, it isn’t so bad during the day but at night it is unbearable.
I think Papa knows that I don’t like the lighthouse tower, and that I am bored. He pays a lot of attentions to me and plays cards with me every day before going to tend to the light. I go to bed early here, there isn’t much better to do at night after all. No shops, nor theaters, nor neighbors. I hate it more by the day but there is nothing I can do about it now.
I thought that I didn’t enjoy living on this desolate island but I think Mother likes it even less. Papa has stopped playing cards with me so he can dedicate more time to her. I think she’s going crazy. She just sits at the piano when he isn’t distracting her, and she plays the same song over and over. My piano lessons have ended, Papa said it would probably best if she didn’t get reminded of the piano if I could help it. It’s hard though, as soon as I stop finding something for her to do she is back there, playing the same song.
I know Papa is worried. He says that it was selfish of him to bring us with him, that he should have left us in town. I know that he loves us so he wants to be with us but it is obvious that Mother is not suited to this life. I am very worried, they were so happy together until we came here. Mother has never lived away from the city before, I don’t think she knows how adjust.
Sometimes I hate Papa for leaving me alone in the house with Mother to go take care of the light, it seems like he should be there at all times to watch her and distract her. She might be dangerous, she hasn’t shown any sign of it yet, but I have read stories in the dime novels. Papa says he can’t leave the lighthouse to its own devices though, that lives depend on it. He takes his job very seriously and I know that I am being selfish when I tell him that I would rather he stays with me then that the poor sailors not know where the island is. He is patient with me though, and just tells me again just how important the job is.
Papa has fallen down the lighthouse stairs. Not all the way down, he would be dead then, but he did break his leg. I could hardly get him into bed, I am but a slight girl and he is a large man. In the end I half dragged him and then he had to pull himself into bed. I got mother to help me splint the leg, and she even showed some sympathy and concern. That’s good, she has been harder and harder to distract from the piano recently and I think I’ll go crazy next from listening to that same song repeatedly.
Tonight father called to me, though he is weak from pain he was sitting. He told me that I had to take care of the light, that it must be lit so that ships wouldn’t crash on the rocks. I cried, I dread climbing those stairs with the oil in the dark, and I don’t even know how to work the light. He stroked my hair and told me it was alright. Then he told me step by step what to do and once again how important the job is. He told me that he knew it was a large burden to bear for a little girl, but that the lives of many men depended on me. He described shipwrecks in horrible detail, and grieving widows, until finally I could no longer stand it. I agreed to light the lantern in the lighthouse.
To be continued...
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