The Danger of Sneezing

If you dare to tell someone that your life is governed by a nursery rhyme they look at you kind of odd and then ask if you’re on some sort of illegal substance, so I don’t tell people things like that anymore. Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t make it any less true though. And of all of the nursery rhymes to be forced to live by it would have to be the most ridiculous one of course. It all has to do with sneezing, when your sneezing determines what happens in your life you have a very sad life indeed.

When I was little, and my mother and I figured out what was going on, though it took a very long to do it, she put the nursery rhyme to a tune, so I could remember it better. If you’re life is going to be governed by anything then it’s a very good idea indeed to know what it is and remember it. I still find myself humming it while I’m going down the street sometimes, or headed to work. Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for danger. Sneeze on Tuesday, kiss a stranger. Sneeze on Wednesday, sneeze for a letter. Sneeze on Thursday, something better. Sneeze on Friday, sneeze for sorrow. Sneeze on a Saturday, joy tomorrow. Most of the time I just try not to sneeze no matter what day it is, it makes things easier, even the days when good things happen when I sneeze make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I’m toying with fate.

You might not think that my affliction, that is how I think of it, would affect my day to day life, but it does. Some of the results that occur when I sneeze weren’t very well defined you see. Such as Wednesday’s sneeze for a letter, what the rhyme doesn’t say is if the letter is good news, bad news or just idle chitchat. I have had all three types. This affliction also means that colds, the flu, and allergies are more dreaded to me I suspect then anyone else on earth. My medicine cabinet at home is filled with every remedy you can imagine for all of the ailments mentioned.

Having explained all of this to you, you can imagine how upset I was when I sneezed while waiting for the bus, going home from work. It had to have been the cold weather, I’m usually so careful about things like that. I honestly swore, I know that most people would consider that an over reaction to a sneeze but I’m sure you understand. I was even more upset because today was a Tuesday, and kissing total strangers is always awkward. No matter how much a avoid it fate always finds a way to make it happen. It isn’t like I feel my lips gravitate to the nearest stranger I meet; there is always a logical explanation for it happening. It wasn’t so bad when I was a little kid, little kids can get away with almost anything, but it did make my adolescence hell.

I was whistling along with a song I had on my headset, but I instantly stopped when I realized what I was doing. I had just sneezed, the puckered lips of a whistle were just asking for trouble. I knew it was inevitable that I kiss a stranger but I didn’t want it to be in such a public place as a bus for sure. There was a pretty young woman sitting next to me, which made me even more nervous.

“Could I ask you to hand me that?” the woman asked me. I looked over at her, and she pointed at a magazine in the aisle. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had dropped it until just now.” I nodded and stood to reach and get it, just as an old woman was walking down the aisle to find a seat. To my great embarrassment I bumped into her and pecked her right on the cheek. Of course I apologized a lot, and wanted to sink into the floor but the old woman told me really it was alright, and it seemed stupid to get off the bus for such a little thing. I sat back in my seat and handed the woman her magazine. She acted like nothing had happened, which I appreciated.

To be continued...